How often have you told yourself, “I’ll do it when I feel ready”?
Maybe you are waiting to apply to new jobs until you feel motivated.
Maybe you are waiting to date until you feel more confident.
Maybe you are waiting on making a decision until you feel sure it’s “right.”
It makes sense that we want to feel ready before we do something difficult. Readiness feels like a promise that we won’t regret our actions or face discomfort.
But what if feeling ready isn’t actually a prerequisite for change?
Readiness vs. Willingness
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there is an important distinction between “readiness” and “willingness.”
Readiness sounds like: “I feel prepared to do this.”
Willingness sounds more like: “I don’t know if I’m prepared, and I’m willing to take the next step anyway.”
Of course, you don’t have to force yourself to do things you aren’t ready for yet. And sometimes, hesitation is useful information, not simply avoidance.
But sometimes, what we call “not being ready” is actually our nervous system asking for certainty that simply isn’t possible.
We want to know that we will succeed before we start. We want to know that someone will respond well before we set a boundary. We want to know that we’ll be able to handle rejection before we put ourselves out there. We want to know that we’ll still want something six months from now before we choose it today.
Unfortunately, life rarely gives us that kind of guarantee.
Becoming Ready By Doing
Think about something you’ve learned to do that once felt intimidating. Maybe it was driving, starting a new job, speaking up in a meeting, going to therapy, making friends in a new place, or trying something you’ve never done before.
You probably didn’t wake up one morning with complete confidence. More likely, you did something while you were still somewhat uncomfortable. You learned from the experience. You discovered that you could tolerate more uncertainty than you thought. And eventually, the thing that once felt unfamiliar became more familiar.
Oftentimes, action creates readiness rather than readiness creating action.
Confidence can work the same way. We often imagine that we need confidence in order to act, when confidence is frequently something we develop because we act.
Aim to Be Willing, Not Ready
Instead of asking yourself: “Do I feel ready?”
You might try asking: “Am I willing to take one small step?”
You don’t have to be willing to change your entire life today. You might only need to be willing to send the email, make the appointment, have the conversation, attend the first class, apply for the job, or spend ten minutes doing something you’ve been avoiding.
And you don’t have to feel good about it.
You can be anxious and willing.
You can be uncertain and willing.
You can have doubts and still move toward something that matters to you.
Change Does Not Require Certainty
One of the hardest parts of change is accepting that there may never be a moment when you feel completely certain.
Sometimes we’re waiting for a feeling that says, “Yes. This is definitely the right thing. Nothing will go wrong.”
But that feeling may never come. Instead, we can learn to make decisions based on something different: our values.
Next time you are making a decision, think about:
- What matters most to you?
- What kind of person do you want to be?
- What kind of life are you trying to build?
- What direction do you want to move in, even if you can’t guarantee where you’ll end up?
If you’ve been waiting to feel ready, consider whether you might be waiting for fear, doubt, or discomfort to disappear before giving yourself permission to move. What would change if you didn’t need those feelings to disappear?
Maybe you could carry them with you.
Maybe you could say:
“I’m scared, and I’m going to try.”
“I’m not sure this will work, and I’m willing to find out.”
“I don’t know exactly what comes next. I only need to decide what comes next for me.”
You don’t have to feel ready to begin. Sometimes you just have to be willing to take the next small step, and let readiness catch up with you along the way.